The recent events regarding the death of several pop(culture) icons has prompted me to make a statement. While I was considering writing the obnoxiously obligatory RIP Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and David Carradine, I uncovered something much more pressing and disturbing.
Megan Fox's thumb.
Suffice it to say, that the thumb alone effectively cancels out any hotness and casts Megan Fox into the bin of Celebrity Butterfaces (right next to Hilary Swank and Bo Derek). I was alerted to this monstrosity by a friend of mine, and we agreed that this was far more important than an enjambed eulogy for people I didn't even care about.
I've heard of stuff like this. In the instance that a person loses a thumb, the doctors are able to graft the big toe in its entirety onto the hand, thus returning some functionality to hand. The only problem with Megan Fox is that...that's her real thumb. If that were my thumb, I would consider taking one of my toes (perhaps the one next to the big one) and replace it.
On the bright side, I'm sure it's handy for some things. Like hammering a nail. Plugging a hole in the roof. I'll bet she's good at handball.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and please, if you see Megan Fox, stare at her boobs or her butt or something, because once your gaze meets that profound protuberance, the entire illusion is ruined.
Have a nice freaking day.
-J
It's fun to think of things she could have been saying while that picture was being taken.
ReplyDeleteDidn't know about Megan Fox's thumb, but I've never really liked her anyway. Actually, I'm sure girls everywhere loathe her. She's like a walking, breathing violation to women everywhere. "Ohhh, let me bend over and display my boobs to the world one more time. Did I mention that I'm a mechanic? I'm going to look under the hood of this car, giving you plenty of time to stare at my gigantic booty."