Jordan C. Eller is a Very Successful Man: Mayonnaise

Hello, everybody. Happy belated Cinco de Mayo! I'll bet you rolled out of bed stinking like tequila and peed pico de gallo, right? Right. Also, just so you know, Cinco de Mayo is NOT a celebration of Mexican independence. It's a celebration of the victory of the Battle of Puebla when the overwhelmed Mexican army defeated the French. Besides, "Mexican independence"? Haven't you ever driven through a gated community on "lawn maintenance" day? It's not even recognized by Mexico as a federal holiday.

So...Swine Flu has basically disintegrated. It was like a fad. I'll bet people are still going to make the "You're sick? It's probably Swine Flu." joke for a while now. I know I am.

The band Van Halen bugs me a little bit. Most of their songs sound the same to me. They all feature David Lee Roth's weird screech, a weird, layered chorus, and some awesome guitar riffs. I like Van Halen, the musician. He's talented. But the band itself is sort of trite.

Joey Earle told me I should get a Twitter account. I hate Twitter. There's something inherently narcissistic about up expecting people to pay attention to your every action. Like taking a dump. Who's life is so boring that they have to check stuff like that. Ugh.

Alright, I'm just putting this off.

Gather 'round, everyone! It's time for...

LOOKING BACK...FOR SCIENCE!

May 6th, 2009

Mattress actress Sunny McKay is 51 today. She is known for her acclaimed performances in films such as "Carnal College", "Eyewitness Nudes", and my personal favorite, "Hump Up The Volume". Good for her.

1856 - Sigmund Fraud is born. What a psychopath that guy was. None of his theories were ever proven. He's a discredited fraud. You know that's where the word "Fraud" came from, right? Yeah.

...Quack.

1937 - The Hindenburg explodes. 36 people are killed. Blimps are worthless. Planes are faster and less dangerous. I guess the only advantage of a blimp is the fact that it moves really slowly.

1940 - John Steinbeck wins Pulitzer Prize for his "Grapes of Wrath". Never has the dustbowl been more fun or informative! Anyway, I like the title. It makes me think of a bunch of angry grapes sitting around. Maybe because I'm immature. Actually, I'm sure that's why it is.