So, Obama has officially appointed Sonia Sotomayor to the position of Supreme Court Justice.
What a fox, right? Anyway, I approve this decision. She's good people. What I don't really approve of, however, is his doling out of stimulus packages to every company that whines enough. I think he should let some of those companies go under. Maybe some of the car companies. Companies succeed, companies fail. That is the way that the world works. It's survival of the fittest, baby, and if you can't make it a fiscal year without giving all of your executives a twenty-thousand million dollar raise. The main reason Obamarama is not letting these companies flounder is because of a significant reduction in job opportunities. My solution to that is quite simple:
Prostitution has been around since the time of Jesus (or at least the 1970's) and has always persevered in the face of opposition, but now is the time for the oldest profession in the world takes center stage and pulls us out of our dire straits. No longer will Americans have to toil on the GM assembly lines or the banks. Anyone anywhere can simply sell their bodies for all the cold, hard cash they could ever need. Eventually, the notion of universal prostitution would become commonplace. Bringing your girlfriend over to meet your family would exciting and intimate instead of awkward and uncomfortable! After she's done doing all your relatives, you can go meet her folks and have your turn with her family tree! All I'm saying is that if we want to lower the jobless rate, prostitution seems like a pretty handy tool. Besides, nothing says "Stimulus Package" like package stimulation.
I did nothing in school today. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Seriously. Nothing. Nada. Why do I have to sit around and waste away in that prison when my teachers could just give me all my exams now? Or better yet, last week? I could've been living large by now! Screw you and your broken AC, SFMHS.
Okay, here we go. It's time again for...
LOOKING BACK...FOR SCIENCE!
27 May 2009
1840 - Niccolo Paganini, one of the most celebrated classical musicians of all time, dies. You probably know him from his very famous "Caprice in A Minor, Opus 1 Number 24", which is a timeless composition. You know how it goes. Dun dun dunnh dunnh dunnnnh dunh da! Remember?
1895 - Poet Oscar Wilde is imprisoned for sodomy. I guess I'm not surprised. Look at this guy:
You shouldn't be surprised, neither.
1945 - Bruce Cockburn is born. He's a Canadian singer. He also has the single most unfortunate last name ever bestowed upon mankind.
1975 - 32 people are killed in a car crash in the United Kingdom. This is the highest ever death toll in a road accident in the UK. They must be horrible drivers. At least we have something else besides bad teeth to make fun of them for now.
1975 - Andre 3000 is born. Y'know, "Hey Ya"? He did that. He's one classy guy. He seems like someone that would still refer to people as "cat". Like, "Yo, you're one cool cat", or something.
That's all for today. Thanks for reading another episode of...
LOOKING BACK...FOR SCIENCE!
Alright. Thanks, and I'll see if I can post again soon. Join me next time when my special guest will be Anita Blond, Hungarian pornographic actress!
Bye!
-J
Y'know, I think you're absolutely correct about legalizing prostitution! You're a visionary Jordan C. Eller! Prostitution could solve EVERYTHING! Also, Oscar Wilde is (or was) great. I have read a bunch of his short stories like "The Canterville Ghost" and I have liked all of them... I agree that he was pretty looney though. I mean, the shit he wrote was entertaining, but very unusual!
ReplyDeleteNow, about Anita Blond, I'm looking forward to see what you have on next time! I mean "g-g-g-God Damn!" Hahahaha!
The stimulus package thing made me laugh out loud. How do you think of these things?
ReplyDelete