Enamel

Sorry for not doing "Looking Back..." this week. I've had a lot of stuff to deal with.

Today I got my first cavity drilled. Needless to say, the era of Jordan Eller's Dental Superiority has come to a close. If you've been keeping up with my ramblings, you'll know that I despise dental appointments, and this was shaping up to be no exception. I was at the office a whole freaking hour before my appointment, so I sat on a bench and read Gai-Jin and worked on my tan. It's about 2:20, and my appointment is a t 3:00 sharp, so I mosied on down to Dr. Ringland's Dental Wonderland and sat in the waiting room. I briefly met the gaze of a withered old lady, who smiled more with her eyes than with her teeth. I said, "Howdy" and grabbed some random men's magazine and plopped right down on those musty old chairs that've been there since the dawn of time. I expected to be kept waiting for about a half-hour, so I got comfortable. I guess I was pretty preoccupied with the "Useful Tips for Hiding a Boner" article, because, apparently, my dentist had been standing in the doorway calling my name for a good 45 seconds. I jolted and quickly put the magazine back and said "I only read those for the pictures of scantily clad women.". I walked into the depths of the facility, cold and embarrassed.

I slid into the dentist's chair and prepared for yet another episode of "Ask Jordan As Many Arbitrary Questions and Be As Condescending As Possible". For an accurate representation of the conversation, I had one of the various paparazzi that follows me around snap a photo of the encounter. This is how our talk went. Note the cool-man glasses:

Dentist: Hey Jordan! How've you been?

Jordo: I've been good. I'm just finishing up my senior year.

Dentist: Of high school?

Jordo: Er, uh, yeah.

Dentist: You have a girlfriend?

Jordo: What? Oh, yeah...yeah.

Dentist: Well, good for you! You're a man now!

Jordo: ...? Oh, yeah, thanks.

Dentist: Okay, here we go! *Shoves hand down Jordo's throat*

Jordo: Mmmphpphhaggh!

That's exactly what she said. Anyway, after she'd finished playing with her icepicks and such, she found a cavity. She expressed her disappointment and I expressed my disinterest. She began preparations for a filling and sealant. Almost immediately, every horrifying dentist-drilling scene I've ever seen on TV or film rushed into my head.

Especially this one. So she comes looming up over my gaping, straining face and asks me if I want any anesthetic. This was a particularly tough decision for me. I could either A) receive a shot directly into my gums, numbing most of my mouth and throat to avoid any pain, or B) forgo the painful prick but possibly endure a kind of pain I've never experienced before. Since I'm an adventurous young nipper, I decided to see how I'd fare without any drugs. My dentist was displeased, again. She told me how very few people are able to stand the pain, and that it would probably be best for me to be numbed. I said "Bring it on, Nurse Ratched". She commenced final preparations.

As the humming drill neared my face, I was beginning to have second and third and fourth and fifth thoughts. Seconds away was quite possibly one of the worst experiences of my week. She stuck the drill in my mouth and went to work. ...But I felt fine! I didn't feel any pain at all! She leaned over and said, "I'm not hurting you, am I?", and I said "Keep it comin' toots!". She proceeded to drill and seal and fill everything that needed work with nary a peep from li'l ol' me. I felt manly! I was telling myself, "Wow, next to making fun of Oprah and watching half of one whole football game, this is like, the manliest thing I've ever done!"

While my impeccable dental record is now, well, peccable, my Manly Meter has never been higher. Plus, it rained today. Which was good too.

Alright, I'm gonna go clip my fingernails and watch Game 7 between Detroit and Anaheim. It's on Versus if you want to watch. Hopefully it'll be more exciting than that Washington wash last night.

'Bye!

-J